Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
