Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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