Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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