Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
