and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
