I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
