after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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