just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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