I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
