I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
