apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
