She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
