dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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