There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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