she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
