So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
