in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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