I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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