I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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