Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
