; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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