I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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