Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
