I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
