The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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