Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
