I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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