i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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