I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
