I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
