One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
