I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
