omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
