I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
