Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
