Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
