he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Did I show you my penis last night?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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