hell yes lets make some ravioli
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
