so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
