Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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