If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
