Christians are straight up FREAKS
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm like, not good at living.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
