just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
