Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
