remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
