Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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