did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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