I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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