OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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