Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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