When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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