Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
