Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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