Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
